OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTING

Before sharing my views on parenting and how it should be, I would like to share with you my story of being a mother.

For a mother the most memorable moment of life is the day when she becomes a mother, the same was for me as what I can souvenir from thirteen years back, when I embraced my daughter, I was mesmerized.

A beautiful fairy was in my arms. She was an active toddler, learning all the activities very quickly, much before than others. She became our world; my biological clock was adjusted with hers. I was trying to feel from her heart. She started walking at the age of 8 months. Once my parents were at my place and she was practicing her toddler’s walk, she fell; my heart was in my hands. I screamed before she could cry; but she didn’t cry. She was giving me an amazed look. My father who was observing this, asked me not to react on her account. He said ‘Life is full of pains, not only physical but emotional too. Don’t teach your child to react on pain, if reaction is there let it be her natural reaction, it shouldn’t be your reaction. Teach her to fight with the pain and to become a winner. Let her fight her battle, support her but don’t be overprotective.’ Till date I am following his words religiously. It was difficult for me in the beginning but later I controlled my emotions and saw her growing and turning into a teen, fighting her way to be a winner.

Now she is a teen and it is the time where she requires the most of the right parenting being at a delicate age of differentiating between the rights and wrongs of the life and how life can be good or hard, is what she can make one for herself.

Being a teen she needs her personal space and that space how she utilizes is depending on how the parenting is or should be, though being a teen she is able to manage various circumstances very smartly and confidently, above the expectations, for which she is also praised in school and outside world. All of it is about good parenting for which I will always be thankful to my father.

The experiences shared by me is an example of how parenting should be and if one can figure out the same also tells you that it should not be overprotective.

The point I want to make is that every child needs parenting and parent’s protection against certain dangers they will encounter in their lives but when that protection becomes a bubble that isolates them from the majority of the things that happen outside, then it becomes overprotection.

 

        As children grow, they progress from total dependence during their first years of life to a higher degree of independence in their teenage years, when they start feeling the need to create their own identity. Parents may feel overly protective of their kids and want to control every aspect of their lives. Parents need to know the difference between being involved in their children's lives and being overprotective.

        When most of today’s parents learned to ride a bike, they just got on one and started pedaling. That was it. Nowadays, kids are taught differently: they get the bike but also a helmet, some elbow pads, knee pads, gloves, etc. This is a very noble and positive mentality, right? So, where is the problem?

        The problem is the fear of the parents of letting the child get hurt, which makes them overprotective.

Overprotective parents are those who are continuously trying to prevent their children from being exposed to conflict, or situations that are distressing or painful. These parents tend to be excessively cautious with their children and often feel overly responsible about what might happen to them. They want to prevent their child from suffering, having a bad time, or having to go through many of the things they went through in their own childhood or adolescence. These good intentions lead them to deprive their children of a proper learning experience since it does not provide them with a chance to deal with the difficulties that are inherent to their age where they could extract resources and strategies that would aid them in their future. 

Side effects of overprotective parenting may be as follows:

 

Lack of Self-Confidence

Overprotective parents send the message that their children can’t handle life’s challenges on their own. This can lead to a lack of self-confidence in these children. They may feel that if their parents don’t trust them with the freedom to make mistakes and tackle problems on their own, then they may not have the ability to succeed in life without the continued guidance of their parents.

Illusion of Control

Parents themselves may believe that they have a handle on being able to keep their children safe and protected by being overprotective. This can lead to an illusion of control over their children, who may rebel as they grow older and shatter that illusion.

Risk-Taking

As children reach the teenage years, they often spend greater amounts of time beyond the reach of the parents. This freedom can lead to greater risk-taking behavior for children of overprotective parents. Teens often test the boundaries of their overprotective parents because these children have likely not developed a sense of responsibility for their actions. Overprotective parents have often assumed that responsibility.

Self-Esteem

Overprotective parenting can cause the lack of the development of self-esteem in a child. This is because the child is not allowed to face challenges without parental intervention. Part of the development of self-esteem in children comes from surmounting challenges on their own, which can be denied to them by overprotective parenting.

               

Actually as a parent all of us provide our children a comfortable childhood, but with the practical life they miss that comfort, which may result in depression too. But if we teach them to adjust in their surroundings and to take their own decisions since childhood, in future life becomes easy for them.

Protecting our children means letting them make mistakes and experience any suffering that comes as a consequence, while all the while ensuring they know that their parents are there to help and support.

Therefore, let’s not Overprotect our children, let’s Protect them.

       

But in the end the choice is yours; what do you want for your child………An overprotected childhood and depressed and frustrated adulthood or an independent childhood and happy future life.

Henceforth, to enlighten everyone who is a Goenkan or connected to the Goenkans, we at G D Goenka Public School conduct various workshops on parenting from time to time, so that the message can be outspoken load enough to reach not only students but parents of adolescents also, as everyone need guidance on parenting with pro and cons depending on the behavior of our children.

I am proud to be connected to the family of Goenkans where I am able to blog on a much needed topic which has such an educational value.

By Anju Vishnoi